I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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