That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
