I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
