You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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