I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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