He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
