i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
