I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
a search helicopter?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
