Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
