If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The air was thick with penises
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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