Pappa wants mamma naked
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
