i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
