and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
