That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
