I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Say something about gay babies.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
