I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
