I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
