Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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