my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
