I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
