i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
