wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
