The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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