ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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