My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
