well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
