It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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