It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
