im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
