I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
