I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
