We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
