How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
