i wish my penis had a tongue
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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