Welp...herpes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
