Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
