can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
