u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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