Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
