dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
one two three fourrrrnication!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
