walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
