I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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