false alarm. still invincible.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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