Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
