Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
