If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
