Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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