If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
