If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
