Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
