Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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